When Your Family Doubts

That first couple of years of my soberity was very hard on me and my kids. It hurts when your so called family has to bring up the past that you have worked so hard on letting go. Instead of being proud of their daughter for her accomplishments of being clean and sober, they have to bring up the past. They just love to talk shit, playing the guessing game of weither their daughter is clean or high! Wow those words really sting has you heari it from her lips. Why can’t their ever just be proud of their daughter for the hoops that she jumped through just to make it another day. It’s hard to even fathom that a family that is supposed to be her rock is throwing the rock at her. It makes me very bitter at my mother. She doesn’t realize that her words hurt me so much. How would she like it if I started bringing up her past? I know that I should just keep going on my journey, and not engage into any one of her hurtful words. I know that I will never hear her say “She loves me!’ , or “I am so proud of you” I have to look at it as that I never want to become like her as a parent. I will never ever be the mother with the knife in my hand getting ready to stab my kids in the back. I am going to break the generation curse that I feel that is upon my so called family. I will never give my kids the reason to hate me. I will be their cheerleader and protecter. I do not want my kids to ever feel like that they aren’t enough. I will never have them question their worth.

I pray that someday I will hear an apology from my parents of the hateful words that hey have said that still haunts me to this day.